its funny...

ok, not funny ha ha funny... but more like... weird funny...

i'm listening to a song called cry, and thats what this post is about. i thought about it before listening the song too!

ok, maybe not funny... weird. that's what i should have said first.

its weird...

anyway...

last night i read some blogs, and i felt like crying. not sad crying. more like... friendship crying. i wanted to cry because my friends said some beautfiul things, about me, for me, whatever.

it made me want to cry ( and no, i'm not pms-ing)

love...

that's what some people want for me.

and it makes me want to cry.

its nice that they want this thing for me... but...

do i come off as a person incapable of loving?

and i know that this is not what they meant, i know that...

but now... now i'm kinda thinking about it...

is that how some people see me?

Ice Queen... the cold hearted one... bitch...

i mean... don't get mad, ok? but...

sometimes i think its true. the last one definately. and sometimes the first one because i get cold a lot sometimes... but...

still... i love my friends. i just don't know if i could ever really LOVE someone, you know?

i dunno... i like crying sometimes... it feels... refreshing to get all that stuff out. just let it go. i hate it at the same time. usually when you're crying, you're sad.

i don't know whats wrong with me. ok, maybe not wrong, but i definately have some sort of block in my head where i just can't... it's... i don't want to love someone. friends are completely different. but... i think about relationships and... its kinda... well, lets face it. i have a bazillion walls. and i've probably seen waaaaaaaaaaay to many movies that deal with people getting hurt and stuff because of love even though in the end everyone is happy. But like Mrs. Smith said, happy endings are just stories that haven't finished yet. i don't think that's true, all in all but there is some truth in it. not all endings are happy. The very ending in everyone's life is death, but, if you believe in it, death can be a beginning in that you go to heaven or are reincarnated or whatever.

adam...

my ever so slightly pudgy, cowboy-hat wearing, slightly geeky dream guy.

i think.

he was in my dreams. he did save me from the creepy guy. i think i liked him. maybe. i don't remember. but i was safe with him. i know that much.

maybe i think he was pudgy cuz like, all of my guy friends are pretty lean. he had more flesh than them.

ok, i think this is a little depressing, so i'm going to think happy thoughts...

i'm going away soon for my European/African/UK adventure!

i'm going to miss a lot of people... but i'm going to have so much fun!

um... i like ice cream!

ooh... food... its 9.47 pm and i still haven't eaten dinner... maybe i should do that.

yes, leaving on a good note (ie food) is always good.

kk, must find food (aka best friend)

k, done.

~kisses

ps. this is the song i was listening to while i wrote this...

Cry ~ Alex Parks

Never thought you knew me
never thought of you with me
always fighting in the dark
before

never got to tell you
I don't know what I mean to you
no need to explain
anymore

but I'd cry
I would die if I lost you
and I'd cry

when I think about us
it's only me that comes between us
it's only me that
closes the door

but I'd cry
I would die if I lost you
and I'd cry

and you know you held me up
held me to the sun
when I was yours
and I know I let you down
let you down
the day that I was gone

but I'd cry
I would die if I lost you
and I'd cry
but I'd cry
I would die if I lost you
and I'd cry